sonia: Quilted wall-hanging (Default)
[personal profile] sonia posting in [community profile] giraffesanctuary
I'm noticing that it feels exceedingly vulnerable to name needs out loud or in writing. Even naming them to myself comes with shame.

Specifically, I'm noticing needs for validation and reassurance, and at the same time it feels inappropriate to have those needs, much less talk about them, especially in response to someone else's words. The jackals say I'm being narcissistic and thinking about myself when I'm supposed to be providing something for someone else, and also they're not really "needs," more like "urgent wants."

Any comments about that aspect of working with needs? Has Marshall written about that? I don't remember it being specifically addressed in his book, but it's been a while since I read it.

Date: 2012-07-06 10:12 pm (UTC)
piemancer: (Default)
From: [personal profile] piemancer
Oh, gosh! I missed your post!

I just watched a video about this this month. I'll make time this weekend to search for it again. The NVC trainer in the video explained that she also felt vulnerable naming her needs, but I don't remember what point she was illustrating by sharing that. I want to find that for you.

Date: 2012-07-09 07:04 pm (UTC)
piemancer: (Default)
From: [personal profile] piemancer
The video I saw was Susan Skye's class called The Living Energy of Needs. I've really enjoyed the series. I think it's only available at NVC Academy, though.

There was also another NVC trainer who said she hated having needs, so she called them something else... I thought it was really beautifull and accurate, but I forgot what it was. When I find her again, I'll post about it.

Another friend of mine is contemplating the ideas of needs and wants, and I plan to post my short essay to her here at Giraffe Sanctuary today.

Date: 2012-07-09 09:33 pm (UTC)
piemancer: (Default)
From: [personal profile] piemancer
A ha! It was Mary Mackenzie, and she called them Universal Values.

Date: 2012-07-09 09:33 pm (UTC)
piemancer: (Default)
From: [personal profile] piemancer
In addition to the shame you mentioned, do you also feel torn when you reflect on your needs for validation and reassurance because you also place a high value independence?

I suspect your jackals are protecting something you really value.

Date: 2012-07-10 11:22 pm (UTC)
piemancer: (Default)
From: [personal profile] piemancer
I notice a tinge of desperation when you find yourself valuing both independence and interdependence, two concepts that seem to be in conflict. Especially since one of them is a long cherished pal, and the other is a buddy you're just getting to know.


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A giraffe sanctuary where your jackal is safe.

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