Aug. 7th, 2012

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[personal profile] piemancer
I don't think my beloved mortal consort Daniel knows I'm into NVC. I know I've mentioned it to him a time or two, but he doesn't seem interested. That's odd, because he's normally a very curious person, and he is interested in anything that will help him communicate with people more effectively. I suspect he may have had a bad NVC experience in the past, and doesn't want to let on

It's funny... I was chatting with a friend about NVC who told me about a person xe'd met who had probably taken an NVC class and now considered herself an expert, and how my friend shouldn't be so angry, but should do this NVC thing instead. I laughed out loud when my friend told me this story, because, jeezy creezy, anger is a fantastic feeling that is a clew to navigating the maze of our values. It's vital! Also, what kind of jerk tells someone what they should be feeling, anyhow? One NVC trainer whom I really treasure is Jorge Rubio- he got me turned on to really treasuring the emotions of the person I was with, that I could be like a palm tree swaying in the breeze of their emotion. 

I digress.  Daniel and I are really good at disagreements. Even when we're both angry about the subject, we're both focused on the goal of understanding and resolving the problem, rather than just being angry at each other. For example, Daniel loves to have the pantry organized in a certain way, and we've agreed it should be like that. I do my best to keep up, but his system isn't as clear to me as he thinks it should be. 

So yesterday he was upset when he found Piemancer's Private Peanut-butter Jar in the "wrong" cupboard. In the ensuing expression of feeling, Daniel kept repeating himself around in circles. To let him know I really heard him, I guessed what need of his wasn't being met (not hard, really). It still felt really good for both of us when he confirmed that I'd guessed correctly. The relief in his body when he responded was so delightfully amazing to see.  It was like flipping a switch- all his frustration dissolved like that. *snap*

*I'm allergic to wheat, and PB&J sandwiches feature prominently in the mortal consort household. Rather than ask everyone else to modify their spreading behavior for me, I just bought myself my own jar. I hid it in a place that took Daniel about a year to find. So now I know where to put the Easter eggs.

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August 2012

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