piemancer: (gneiss)
[personal profile] piemancer posting in [community profile] giraffesanctuary
Before people encounter the NVC idea of "need," they have these notions of what having a need conveys. They might think a person with needs is: week, needy, deficient, dependent, vulnerable, shameful, selfish.



Needs are a window into your soul. Everything a person does or says is an attempt to meet a need. They’re never doing it to piss you off.  Even if they're tragic strategies that motivate others to not meet their needs, folks are always doing something with the goal of reflecting their values.


You don’t need the word need. You need that energy where you recognize that this is a thing everyone agrees makes life more wonderful. Call it something else, if you like.


In my Nonviolent Communication world, I can define a need as "a universal quality which, when experienced, enriches life."


A need can be as urgent as air, or as delayable as sexual expression. Both are needs. Also,things like community, excitement, purpose, relaxation, inspiration, belonging, honesty, trust, liberty and order are needs. Everybody has them to different degrees (you bet my roommate's need for order is less pressing than mine, but he has one. Mine is just more central to my being, more core), and everybody can delay them a little. When they're missing from our lives for too long,  things get yucky.


I think of wants as the strategies I use to meet my needs. So, like, I need stimulation, but I want the thing that stimulates me. Say, a new book. I don't need a new book, but the book is a strategy for getting my need for stimulation met. 


I don't want to go to church, but that would meet my need for community. Instead of doing something I don't want to do to meet that need, I do something I do want, like go scuba diving and chatting with all the other divers on the seashore.


I think the kicker is to be uncompromising about your needs (I need food, and there's no denying it), but flexible about the strategies you use to meet the need (peaches, spaghetti, tuna, salad, burritos, or sushi. Or all of them!).



Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


giraffesanctuary: a close up of a giraffe face. Blue sky and green hill is visible behind. (Default)
A giraffe sanctuary where your jackal is safe.

August 2012

56 7891011
1213 141516 1718

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 03:54 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios