The Price of Nice

[piemancer]

Ahoy, internet pals! I want to warn you that the article I linked to contains two paragraphs of extended fat-hating concern-trolling example, devoid of any basis in science and research. 

I am guilty of letting that kind of garbage slide, and I otherwise enjoyed reading this article by Kelly Bryson, the author of Don't Be Nice, Be Real.  The subject is the damage niceness does. I recognize myself in bits of the article, and I also see some other people who lash out and hurt other people with nice. 

Comments

[sonia]

I've been thinking a lot about Niceness, boundaries, compassion, and narcissism over the last few months. I meet some of Bryson's criteria for Niceness but not others. I'm in an ongoing struggle to discern what's socially okay, what's ethically okay, what my boundaries are, and where the line is between self-respect and entitlement.

As I perceive it, in rejecting Niceness Bryson has crossed the line into cruelty. I flinched at the above Rosenberg quote, too. I make no claims to be healthy in this arena, and I think there's a lot of gender-related training mixed in, but my gut says there are more compassionate ways to speak one's truth.

That's a good point, that hard boundaries might not be an appropriate situation for NVC! It took me a long time to learn that when someone hurts me, I don't have to continue making myself vulnerable to them in an attempt to get them to stop.

Thank you for starting this conversation! I'm interested in any thoughts or responses you have.